So you’re a second time mom now! How do you feel?

I feel sore and tired. And used like a piece of meat. I also feel like now I really need gigs, nappies are expensive!

Do you feel like you’re more experienced this time?

Yes! I didn’t break the first one so I’m gonna stick to the tried and tested and maybe rethink some things – I tried to sell my first born to Madonna, it didn’t work out.

How’s your three-year-old adjusting to the new baby?

Initially he was like, ‘Yeah, he can stay as long as he stays away from your boobs,’ now he’s cool about it. He helps change nappies and tells the baby to stop it with the crying.

What’s it like being outnumbered by the three men in your life?

I’ve decided to be proactive about it. I’m learning how to pee with the toilet seat up, I’ve picked soccer teams to support and I’m watching WWE for tips. I love being the queen though.

How many kids do you plan on having?

It will depend on economics and selective amnesia – otherwise no plans to expand. If the circumstances are suitable then yes, it would be lovely to bring a mini-me into the world. Three’s apparently a lucky number, unless you’re the president.

Let’s get down to the weight issues! How was the weight gain with this pregnancy – compared to the last one?

I gained less weight because I punished myself with aerobics on a big ball throughout my last trimester. My first pregnancy was like, ‘Screw the whales, save me!’

Tell us bit about what your body went through.

My body realised it was pregnant and began arguing with my brain over the effect of me imbibing heavily a week prior to knowing about my impending spawn. My brain then began closing shop and I lived in a pool of hormones with people speaking slowly and in a slightly higher pitch that made me wanna punch them.

How do you feel about your body?

I’ve never been thin so I don’t get depressed about it. But I do get annoyed when the bones keep sending me rude messages about being tired of carrying more than their naturally assigned load. So I do a bit of exercise and sensible eating so I can at least chase my kids around without looking like I’m on the verge of cardiac arrest. I’m proud of myself though for only gaining a dress size.

How’s losing the baby weight coming along?

I have no idea how it’s going, because I don’t focus on it. I guess between the breastfeeding and rushing to gigs – the weight loss will slot itself in. As long as I’m healthy I won’t stress too much about it. It would be nice to lose two dress sizes though!

What about work?

I find that having kids has made me care more about my career, like I want to be able to afford them the best and also be their cool famous comedian mom who kicks ass. I feel like it will give them the guts to do whatever they put their minds to, because this career is not pap en vleis.