Fans of One Direction were drowning in their tears on Wednesday when news broke that Zayn Malik had left the group. Malik said that he wanted to live a normal life now that he was 22. Reality suggests that “normal” is relative in this situation.
One Direction insisted that the show must go on following the announcement, and said the four remaining members would complete the world tour. But after calls from angry mothers and moody teenagers to refund 20% of the ticket price – 30% for those who think Malik was the hottest member of the group – organisers have moved quickly to ensure that five heartthrobs take to the stage.
Enter South Africa’s very own Steve Hofmeyr.
While nothing has been confirmed as yet, Hofmeyr has been tipped to fill the void left by Malik. Hofmeyr has even offered to perform for free, as he is looking to tap into the market of English-speaking fans of talentless, pointless music.
A spokesperson for Hofmeyr said: "This has really excited Steve. He feels like having kids again. I mean, he feels like a kid again. This is seen as a massive opportunity, he is already shopping for skinny jeans and searching for a new potential girlfriend to celebrate with."
Big Concerts were not available for comment at the time of this satire piece going live.
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