Woes of the modern day girlfriend

By  | Jun 22, 2020, 01:47 PM  | Top of The

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So, after sharing with my list of the worst things women say to guys, I figured it would only be fair to also warn guys of the phrases that, once introduced to a woman's volatile atmosphere, could result in explosion, or worse...quiet contempt.

However, I must admit that this is a bit more tricky, because the thing with the modern day girlfriend is, she can occasionally freak out. Often at you. Often for no discernible reason. I mean, you could say something that you consider totally innocuous, or even downright nice, only to find that you've offended, enraged, or annoyed your girlfriend.

However, other times, men are just plain stupid with some of the questions or statements they use. So the reality is that men need to  solve the problem of women reaching their limits as a result of something (stupid) they might've said; but how? It comes down to word choice, my dear good friend, word choice.

Look, I'm no relationship nor gender expert, but I definitely know that you should, at all costs, avoid hurling any of these things at your girlfriend...unless you fancy the idea of your bones being used to make furniture.

(Spoiler: If you think I'm kidding because some of these no-no phrases seem incredibly harmless, please educate yourself and think again. This is life or death right now) 

1. "Calm down"

2. "Are you going to eat all that?"

In a moment of genuine awe, you blurt out: "are you going to eat all that?", but sadly, there is no scenario in which it'll be well received. Comments about what or how much she's eating generally annoy her, so you should especially refrain from making them, including, " That's all you're going to eat?" Yep. Shut up.

3. "Wow, my ex really liked Micasa too"

If there's one thing you can't take for granted from the words on this page: AVOID COMPARING HER TO ANY OTHER WOMAN... AT ALL COSTS! Whether it's that her nose looks like Kim Kardashian's (bulls***), her eyes remind you of your mom (awkward!), or your female best friend (who she hates) has the same hairstyle - comparing her to another woman (especially the one you used to have a thing with), no matter how positively, leaves too much room for misinterpretation.

4. "Yeah, she's hot"

It's a trap! Don't fall for it. When she lures you in with an innocent question, like, "Do you think she's cute?" while shrugging her shoulders like it would not matter anyway - you must lie quickly and reflexively. Whether it's Bonang, Beyonce, or a waitress, the answer is always no. In fact, this could be your chance to score brownie points by casually finding fault in her the closer you look - say something like, "is it me, or are her ears a bit weird?"

5. "Hoe!" or "Slutbag"

If you're not the type to keep up with ugly, gender-based controversies, let me catch you up: DJ Warras recently landed himself in hot water when he called women 'hoes' and 'slutbags' on his 5FM show, 5th element.

Now here's a tip: whether it's your girlfriend, sister, gran, or a cashier, derogatory names don't sit well with women.

You might be able to pull off an ironic Snoop Dogg-style "beeeyatch," so long as you're smiling as you say it. But to say

"b****" with any kind of intent is to pull the pin out of a grenade.

Hopefully I have educated enough males out there – my work here is done. 

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